I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NoShamevember. You game?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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