I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
