did you get engaged???
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
