So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
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I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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