Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
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I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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