I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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