This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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