Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
