She's JV to your varsity
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
