Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
