im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
