I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
