i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
