I skipped work to stalk him.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
