I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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