its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
