were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
