Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
