just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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