Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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