As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
