Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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