If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize