Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
