I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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