oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
