just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
