I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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