Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
