John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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