I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
