So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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