I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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