but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
