I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
