Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Congratulations! We have a period
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
