Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
