so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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