so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
