we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
