She is in my trunk
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
