My liver just broke up with me...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
