like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize