Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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