I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize