he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
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She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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