I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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