shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
