I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Text me some of your sweat
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
