My sheets look like a crime scene.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
