I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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