she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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