some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
