Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
