no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
