I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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