it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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