If that was your dad, he is hot
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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