Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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