I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
