If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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