I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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