my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
